we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
