All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
