Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
