I am puke
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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