If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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