K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
