k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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