Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
