DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
