I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
