Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize