did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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