She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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