Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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