i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
