she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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