His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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