I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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