imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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