I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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