Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
