well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
