I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize