Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
