I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
