Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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