Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
