Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
