If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
