you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
