Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
