im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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