anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
