Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
