I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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