tell your sister to shave her snatch
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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