it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
