well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
