My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
