I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
