he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The uberlube is also flammable
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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