The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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