Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
