no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
