Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
