I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize