you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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