Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
