..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
