Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
