so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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