Nicole vs. Life
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
