I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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