You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
