Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
