i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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