We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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