just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
