He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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