Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize