you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hippo gnu deer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
