the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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