WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
