Say something about gay babies.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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