Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
