You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
