marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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