i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
