Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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