can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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