Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
