Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
