is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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