I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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