How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
