To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
